one two three fourrrrnication!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
