She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
