I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
