Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
