Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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