don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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