OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I need moral support for this bender
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
