I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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