when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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