the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
