Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
