this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
