so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
