maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
