Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
