he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Pants are for mortals
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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