theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
