it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The Olympian is in my bed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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