Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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