when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
