I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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