It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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