Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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