I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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