She is in my trunk
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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