dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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