How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
