She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
