i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
