wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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