9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
