Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
