"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
