Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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