I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
