I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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