onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
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Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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