i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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