After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
