You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
and she was petting her beer can
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
