you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
