I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
