There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
