well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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