no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
