Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
