Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
