I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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