I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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