So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Randomize
