Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
