You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
