Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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