Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize