Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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