We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
PANTIES FOUND
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