her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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