you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
