I wish life had little blips of pornography
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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