Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
