he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
