did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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