Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
