Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just invented taco cereal.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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