That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
