you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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